Thrown in to Hell

Remember your school days, the good old days when you had absolutely no worries and were free like free can be?
What would have been your fate if you had to sacrifice that life to enter a marriage at that tender age? 
Where would you be now if you were burdened with responsibilities of an adult married life when you were only a kid?





                           That is what happened to Nujood Ali,a simple child from Yemen. She was only nine years old when she was married to Faez Ali Thameer who was in his thirties. She only managed to escape the brutal fate of being raped by her husband and physically abused by the family members after two months. But not every child is that lucky.

Child marriage is a formal marriage or informal union entered into by an individual before reaching the age of 18. 

According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) a person should be able to give"free and full” consent before getting married and he or she must be mature enough to make an informed decision. 

How can a small child make such a decision?

• According to UNICEF every year an estimated 14 million girls worldwide get married before the age of 18 years.
• Furthermore in the developing world one in every seven girls get married before their 15th birth day.
• In fact it is said that every three seconds a girl is getting married before her eighteenth birthday,that is 25000 girls per day.
• Child marriage is most common in South Asia,Latin America,Caribbeans, Middle east and Africa.
• Nearly half of all Indian girls become child brides.
• In Sri Lanka the percentage of girls getting married before 18 years is estimated to be 12%.

Trapped in a marriage for which no on asked what their choice was, the child brides face a lot of unwanted consequences.
They become pregnant at their teen age, not at all prepared either physically or mentally to go though a pregnancy.

Teen pregnancy is in fact the main cause of death in below nineteen years in the developing world.

As their body is not developed enough they are more to complications at birth.Even the children born as a result of a teen pregnancy are more prone to early death and various health problems.

Forced in to a marriage usually to a man , much older than her, the  child bride does not get a chance to continue her education and often becomes socially isolated and economically dependant on the husband and the family.Not only she gets sexually abused by the husband, she is also more prone to become a victim of domestic violence.


Although many communities are starting to moving away from the concept of child marriage, it is still prevalent in developing countries due to reasons like poverty, religious and social pressure.

But none of these reasons ever justifies snatching the soul of a playful innocent little child and pushing her straight in to hell.

" Child marriage is a practice that robs millions of girls of their childhood, their rights and their dignity"
   -Archbishop Desmond Tutu

http://www.unicef.org/policyanalysis/files/Note_on_Child_Marriage.pdf
http://www.icrw.org/child-marriage-facts-and-figures
http://www.girlsnotbrides.org/about-child-marriage/

We need All of you.Come let us guard our kids

Some people believe that to call it child sexual abuse it has to be actual physical sexual act involving a child.

This is not so.

 According to Medline plus, it includes a wide range of acts between a child and an adult or an older child which may comprise of physical contact on most of the occasions, but not always.

It may include

•  Asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities
•  Indecent exposure (of the genitals, female nipples, etc.) to a child with intent to gratifying the sexual desires of the offender or to intimidate or groom the child
•   Actual physical sexual contact with a child
•  Using a child to produce child pornography

The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to children, describes child sexual abuse as

• Sexual touching of any part of the body, clothed or unclothed, including using an object
• All penetrative sex, including penetration of the mouth with an object or part of the body
• Encouraging a child to engage in sexual activity, including

  • Sexual acts with someone else

  • making a child strip or masturbate

• Intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child
• Not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activity by others
• Meeting a child following sexual 'grooming', or preparation, with the intention of abusing them
• Taking, making, permitting to take, distributing, showing or advertising indecent images of children
• Paying for the sexual services of a child or encouraging them into prostitution or pornography
• Showing a child images of sexual activity including photographs, videos or via webcams.

Child marriage is another most horrific form of child sexual abuse. In fact UNICEF states that child marriage “represents perhaps the most prevalent form of sexual abuse and exploitation of girls".

A child is not mature either physically or psychologically to deal with any such sexual performance. Thus exposed to such abuse can damage a child’s health.

Most people tend to believe an unwanted pregnancy to be the only adverse outcome of child sexual abuse. Indeed an unwanted pregnancy in a mere child who may not even be able to take care of her let alone another life would definitely be a tragic outcome. It is said that more than 60% of teen pregnancies are preceded by child molestation.

Yet it is only the tip of the iceberg

.

Child molestation can damage a child physically by

• Infection with Sexually transmitted Diseases
• Lacerations in genital regions/rectum, internal bleeding and may be even death due to massive bleeding.
• Eating disorders
• Sexual disorders

• It can damage the psychological health of the child and may cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sleep Disturbances, poor self-esteem, depression, personality disorders etc.
• It has been noted that victims of child molestation are more prone to self-harm, alcohol and drug abuse risky sexual behavior in adolescent and adult life. Some studies have shown in fact that being molested in turn increases the risk of the child becoming a child molester himself in later life.
• The cheerful life of the innocent kids is turned in to a night mare by child abuse. They become shy and withdrawn, loose their self-confidence and sometimes may even become aggressive. Their school performance will deteriorate as well as their social relationships.

Confused and often frightened signs of child sexual abuse may not be signposted on a victim. Yet careful vigilance will always detect some change in a previously normal child.

• Physical signs may not be common although redness, rashes/swelling in the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other such symptoms may be a possible outcome and therefore should be carefully investigated.
•  Also, anxiety and depression may appear as physical symptoms like such as chronic stomach pain or headaches. They can also show regressive behavior. i.e: habits that stopped in childhood like bedwetting of thumb sucking will suddenly re appear
• More common are the emotional or behavioral signals. These can run from "too perfect" behavior, to depression and shyness, to unexplained anger and rebellion.
• Sexual behavior, interest and language that are not age-appropriate can be a red flag.

A single episode of sexual abuse is quite enough to scar a child for life. Yet sadly child molestation often is unnoticed and therefore repeated sexual exploitation of victims is a usual trend.

PREVENTION IS THE BEST STRATEGY IN TACKLING CHILD MOLESTATION.

 It involves prevention of repeated sexual molestation as well.

Staying alert to save every child possible should be the responsibility of us all. Shouldn’t it be?

Teaching them to Say "NO" . Is That Really Difficult?

 National Socient For Preventing Cruelty to Children has this really nice and fun method of teaching the younder kids how to say no to inapprooriate physical contact.
The Underwear rule is really simple and fun.

 For Kids

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/the-underwear-rule/downloads/underwear-rule-guide-for-children_wdf97118.pdf

For parents
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/the-underwear-rule/downloads/underwear-rule-parents-guide-condensed-english_wdf100890.pdf

So Many Paths....Untested

Once a glass is shattered to pieces, it cannot be reconstructed.Even if you painstakingly glue all the tiny broken shreds together the damage done would be obvious.

Childhood is that miraculous period of creativity when the character of the adult is formed. What children need is positive inputs. If this budding future is destroyed by child abuse, there is no hope of resurrection to its previous glory.

 There is no point in closing the stable gates, long after the horse has fled.

There is no better solution for Child Molestation than prevention.

If you are willing to give it a consideration, there are thousand and one ways to prevent child sexual abuse through enhanced awareness. Most options can be achieved through no very low cost. Yet sadly they remain unused, untested leaving the future of the nation to fall easy prey to abusers lurking around every nook and corner.

Children as we know are naïve and curious, and depend on adults.

Especially in Asian countries children are taught to obey and listen to elders with no questioning back. As I have mentioned earlier, there are loop holes that the molesters misuse to achieve their goals. Yet, can’t we use the same characteristics in our children to empower them with knowledge to defend themselves against the dark forces.

As children are bound to trust parents and relatives who are close caregivers than anyone else, why can’t we use this opportunity to teach the kids in an age appropriate way what dangers might be lurking outside for them and how to defend themselves? Of course it is challenging to speak about child abuse with a kid of your own, nothing like telling them a bed time story.

 But wouldn’t that challenge be worth it than suffering and letting the kid suffer, if one day unfortunately it is too late?

When children step out of their homes, they enter the preschool or school which would be another one of their comfortable zones. Understanding and caring teachers might detect warning signs of a child about to fall prey for an abuser, where parental inadequacy or unavailability had caused to miss the evidence at home completely. Even when there are strong and adequate family relationships, some kids might open up to a teacher more. Why cannot we educate the kids properly at school about sexual education instead of the joke which we do at present?

Do we have teachers educated and trained to detect pre-warning signs of sexual abuse and take necessary actions?

• Though we are living in the 21^st century, still there are rural areas where children are forced in to marriage and child bearing in their childhood. What measures have been taken to reduce these incidents?

• Cyber space is increasingly becoming a heaven for child molesters. Are we educated enough about prevention of child abuse associated with such advance technology?

Just Some Points to Ponder...................................

WATCH OUT! BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE

As discussed previously most of the child molesters often do not show any difference in their appearance from a normal person. In fact they may appear more charming and trustworthy than an average person in order to earn the trust of the victim and the family.

So what should we keep an eye on?

A Vast majority of child molesters happen to be male. This could be due to many reasons including sexual abuse by female sexual abusers going unreported frequently.

The abusers may be happily married and having successful adult sexual relationships. Their adult sexual orientation does not generally indicate the gender of their target victim: it could be the same sex or it could not.

Where should I Look?

While it is ok to keep an eye on strangers paying attention to your kids, what is more essential is to keep focused on much closer surroundings. As it has being repeatedly told most child molesters are people quite close to their victims .According to Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study the percentage of children targeted by molesters is as follows:

CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY

• Biological Child -19%
• Stepchild, Adopted or Foster Child-30%
• Brothers  & Sisters-12%
• Nieces & Nephews-18%
• Grandchild-5%

CHILDREN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

• Child Left in their Care-5%
• Child of Friend or Neighbor-40%

CHILDREN WHO ARE STRANGERS

• Child Strangers-10%

This really makes sense when we look at the nature of molesters and their victims. The molesters act, sometimes very carefully and patiently over years to groom the victim so that there is no or very little resistance .Specially in the Asian set up children are taught not to question but listen to and obey adults.

And the nature of children is such that they often depend on their family and close care givers for survival. It is quite easy for a person in this close circle to earn the trust of a child than a complete stranger.

They earn the trust of their prey.

The molesters often find ways to be alone with the child , building up the child’s trust. They attend to the child’s needs and make them feel protected. They show a lot of attention to the child’s needs. This will go a long way in a family where there is

•  parental inadequacy or unavailability as we see more and more with single parent units and mothers often seeking employment abroad
•  where there  is parent child conflicts or
•  poor parent child relationships.

 Even in a family where the children get proper attention, children always love more attention which they would welcome.

 Also

•  children who have no proper sexual education
• children with disabilities
•  lonely and sad children and 
• children who are too young to express what happens to them 

are at a greater risk of falling prey to theses molesters.

Caught up in the hectic lifestyle of today, the parents themselves would welcome any extra help offered by a caregiver by spending extra time with their children.

The child molesters would gain the child’s confidence, by appreciating them, offering gifts and other incentives which would be kept as their secrets mostly. By accepting these gifts and keeping them a secret between the molester and the victim it makes things further difficult for the child to refuse attempts of sexual abuse or to report them.

Overtime, the molesters would test their victims, usually with offhand jokes and accidental brush-up’s  to see whether there would be any resistance.They further confuse the child by making remarks that such encounters are common and normal within families.

 If a child is properly educated beforehand the molester can be surely identified at this stage.

 Furthermore the molester  would lie and manipulate the child so that the child is quite confused  and consider the abuse as a game or a normal act. But often children feel uncomfortable following  sexual abuse. Yet reporting to a responsible adult is usually prohibited by the molesters by emotional black mailing and sometimes even threats and actual physical violence. They would feign that the child is hurting their feelings, threat to hark the child or a family member or that the family would be disappointed to hear what happened.

In a nutshell

A child molester can be a person you meet daily, just like the milkman or your coworker. So it is important to stay focused both on strangers as well as close family members.

 Remember PREVENTION IS ALWAYS BETTER.

• All children need special vigilance, but specially kids who are at a larger risk as mentioned above.
• All children should be educated age appropriately on what is good and bad when it comes to physical contact with others, when to say “NO” and whom to talk to.
• Rather than being a casual observer, step in and intervene if you think something suspicious is going on.
•  A CHILD'S LIFE MIGHT BE AT STAKE. 

SO, DO NOT HESITATE

WHY ME ? WHY YOU ?

I have been recently asked frequently why I have developed this sudden interest in prevention of Child Abuse. Why exactly? Why me?

What benefits do I get from raising issues about child sexual abuse prevention?

But the real question is why not me? Why not now?

We live in a society, where lives of each of us are interwoven with many social bonds, some even invisible to us most of the time. Although we prefer to think that we are independent beings, the truth is not the same. We depend on the support of so many others in the society for our survival.

If you have achieved some standard in life today, that you owe to so many kind people in the society. Your parents and caregivers, your teachers, your relatives, sometimes even strangers have played some part in creating the “You” who are a successful person today.

And even today you still need the help from many aspects in the society, the religious leaders, the doctors, the businessmen, the policy makers, the police and army etc. to lead a comfortable life like you do at the present. You may argue that many services rendered to you by various parties are due to the money you pay them.

 But can money buy those services if there are no people to offer them?

If there are no educated policy makers can you buy some, or create some? If there are no honest businessmen, what will you money are able to buy you?

Those are the facts. If there is some good left in the modern society, it is mainly due to the currently society being brought up by their caregivers in a manner so that they become responsible, virtuous people. If the majority of them suffered thorough their childhood which would have left them seriously scarred psychologically, the society would not be the same. If a person’s childhood was a nightmare there is a high probability of him becoming a nightmare to the society in his adult life.

Children are vulnerable. 

They are naïve and innocent and most of the times depend on the strength of elders for their protection. They are totally ignorant about the vicious ways of the adult world and thus are often easy prey for child molesters.

Child sexual abuse is preventable. 

Rather than burning down houses and killing people once the deed is done, preventing such events is far more effective.It can prevent serious psychological harm and associated personality changes in the child in his or her adult life.

Every adult has a role to play.

It should be the responsibility of any adult, to protect any kid. You may be a teacher, a bus driver, a road sweeper or the president. But your role in keeping vigilant about child sexual abuse will be the same. If each of you vowed to keep your eyes and ears open, if you spoke about it whenever you can, if you manage in intervene in any level you can, to enhance protection of kids from child molesters, you will be able to save more kids. You will have the satisfaction of securing the future of at least one child. If everyone does that, what will be the fate of every kid? He will have thousands of protectors. 

He will be saved. 

And one day he will do the same.

So why not me? Why Not you?

Join in.Be Alert.Speak.Act.Save.

Child Molesters,What Do They Look Like?

WHY DO KIDS GET MOLESTED?
This is a crucial question if we are to successfully put an end to this terror that would darken a child's life and his whole future.
The reasons are of course diverse.To probe in to those reasons a better understanding of child molesters is of course mandatory.

We would think of course what more is there to understand about a creep who prefers to damage innocent kids. Well, you would be surprised.

Child molesters fall into four different categories, according to Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute.

1. Older children and teens that are sexually curious and find younger children an easy target for their sexual experimenting.

2. Some people who get intentions to molest a child due to a medical disorder, or due to being profoundly impaired intellectually

3. Some people with an antisocial personality who due to their personality do not care about the social norms, culture, religion and such issues

4. Pedophiles, a group of people with and ongoing sexual drive directed towards children.

While the first three groups usually contribute to around 5% of child abuse cases, the rest is due to pedophiles.

But the most important thing is all these four categories can be prevented.

This can be achieved by proper education and sexual guidance for teens and older children, strict close vigilance, drugs and psychological therapy for the rest. With early identification of characteristic behavior patterns more than 95% of the child molestation cases due to pedophiles are said to be preventable.

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE CAN BE PREVENTED.

So how do we identify a child molester before he strikes?

 Contrary to the belief that he or she would be a stranger with a dirty disheveled appearance, most molesters tend to be the exact opposite.

 According to a publication by Advocates for Youth (1995)

• 96% were known to their victims
• 50% were acquaintances or friends
• 20% were fathers
• 16% were relatives
• AND ONLY 4% were strangers.

So what about the myth of a molester being an unmarried, unemployed, drunkard with poor educational background? 

Well, according to the Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study and the 1999 U.S. Census Statistical Abstract,

• 77% were married or formerly married
• 46% had some college education
• 69% had a job
•  And 93% of them were religious.

In fact, it looks like the profile of the average child molester was almost similar to an average citizen.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE KEEP AN EYE ON?

To be Continued………

For your interest

1. http://www.childmolestationprevention.org/pages/prevention_plan.html

2.http://womensissues.about.com/od/girlsteensyoungwomen/f/-Of-Child-Sexual-Abuse.htm

Do you believe in myths?

There are so many myths regarding child sexual abuse, one of the main reasons for the rising trends.Are you aware of the myths, are you one of them who believe them still, thus helping this menace to spread its wings further and destroy our future?
Do you still think the child molesters are perfect strangers to the victimized kids?
Do you believe that they can be recognised by their appearance or behaviour?
Do you think only girls get molested?
What do you think at what do you know?


http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1707466/jewish/Things-You-Need-to-Know-About-Child-Molesters.htm

What Do You Think?

Child sexual abuse or child molestation is on the rise at an alarming rate. We might think that we know fairly enough about the subject to keep our kids safe. But my recent research in to the data and statistics are on the rise. How many child molesting scenes have we witnessed in local news in the past month? Can we even think how many incidents have occurred worldwide? Could it have been prevented, or if not reduced to some extent? Why do kids get abused so frequently? Whose fault is it? Does it matter whose fault it is once the damage is done? I think these issues need some serious answers? What do you think?